The only expectation to have of your friends- is that they be themselves.
This is only for badasses.
This is not for the ones who want to blame their best friends for their feelings.
Have your friends tell you the truth about what they want.
It might sound something like, I don't want to come to your six- year- old's soccer game, or I don't want to go to that purse party, or I don't want to join you for dinner.
It might even sound like, I don't want to talk on the phone with you right now.
Let that be okay.
Let that be better than okay.
Require it.
Require that your friendships are not pretend.
Pretend is when you say yes when you mean no.
When you obligate and resent, instead of love and truth.
Let your friend forget your birthday.
Love her deeply, madly anyway.
Don't make it mean anything more than she didn't know the date.
Let her life be that free. That good.
And when she does remember, let her send you flowers and call you and love you.
Receive it on a day that isn't your birthday. On anyday.
Find someone who believes this too.
Someone you can be screwed up you with.
Someone you don't have to be careful around. Or worried about offending.
Someone who will still be themselves and send you a card even if you don't send them one.
And someone who will let you hold their hair when they are throwing up from chemo. Or drinking too much. Or getting pregnant for the fourth time.
Expect only that they promise to tell you no, when what they have is a no.
So when they say yes. You know they mean it.
Let them be who they are. Fully.
So when you love. It's not some nice nice version.
It's who they really, truly are.
