Brooke Castillo

Pain is Pain

For some reason, Jennifer Aniston's name comes up a lot in my coaching.

My clients seem to want to be her-or at least have her body.

So I think about Jen a lot.  I think about what it might be like to be her.

She has what so many of my clients think will give them happiness.

They want money, skinny, pretty. They think if they had that they would have less pain.

But is Jen's pain less than our pain?

Does she experience it less often?

Is it less real?

When Brad left was it less painful because she was pretty, thin and had money?

Or does pain just hurt no matter who you are?

I know this seems obvious, but then so why do we do this to ourselves?

Why do we think skinny pain is better than fat pain?

Rich pain better than poor pain?

Pretty pain better than ugly pain.?

I've been fat and I've been skinny and the pain was the same damn pain.

And the happiness was the same happiness.

Jen's pain isn't better than yours.

And her happiness isn't either.

 

 

 

Letting go of my Son's Success

My son brought home his test last week-Friday.

History Chapter 4 Test 

Grade: D

I took a minute and decided not to freak out.

I asked him why he thought he got a D as we hugged.

He said he didn't study hard enough.

He said his teacher was going to let him retake it on Monday.

I resisted the urge to pull the book out of his backpack right then and start studying.

I resisted the urge to force him to study all weekend and forego eating, bathing and speaking.

I let him figure it out.

I was willing to let him get another D.

I let his grade be his and his alone.  I didn't put my own worry all over it.

He studied a little. (nowhere near the amount I would have)

Breathing.

He retook the test on Monday.

I pretended not to be waiting and wondering and worrying.

On Wednesday he came home and pulled out his test to show me.

100%

It was his to own.  

Funny. I was going to let him own his "bad" grade and instead he got to show himself how capable he is without me all up in it.

His life. Not mine.

A Legend in my Own Mind

I had a customer who took one of my classes for the very first time offer to give me some feedback.

I accepted.

She warned me that she was going to be candid and I invited her to continue.

She told me that she didn't like how much we laughed on the calls.

She told me that she didn't like that I said: Sometimes I feel like I  want to "shoot" the kids that bully my son. (With Columbine and all)

She told me that I acted like I was a legend in my own mind.

I listened carefully to what she said.  I told her I was sorry that she didn't enjoy the class and I gave her her money back.

She ended the call by saying, "But I know that you're going to go on and do great things anyway."

Hmmm.

So I thought about this being a legend in my own mind thing.  What if she's right?  What if I do think I am a legend in my own mind? Does that bother me?  What's the alternative?

So I looked it up on the internet and here's what I found:  

This means that the person thinks he is fabulous, but he is the only one who thinks so -- it's just all in his mind that he is outstanding.

Um. Isn't this what I teach all of my clients to do? To believe in their God-Given fabulousness? Regardless of what others think of us?

Guilty.

I guess I am a Legend in my own mind.  But then, I guess you are too-but only if you believe it. I think everyone is fabulous. Honestly.  I don't think I am a better person than any other person.  But I do think we are all pretty great.

The class I taught was on approval and I find it ironic that she didn't approve.  I really wish she had. I really don't like it when people don't like me, or get my jokes or appreciate my sarcasm, or want to laugh with me.

I guess in a perfect world everyone would think I was a legend in their minds too.  But, no.  Who I am is not for everybody.  Dang it.

Good thing I always have my mind to turn too. In there, I'm a legend.  Ahhhhh.