Brooke Castillo

Looking at Looking

This was written by one my students in a writing class I am teaching through The Life Coach School.   Her name is Kira DeRito and she is both an amazing student and an amazing teacher/coach.  I read everything she writes.  You can find her at  thethinkerfixer.wordpress.com.  Subscribe to her awesome blog.

 

11:35 to 11: 45

I have a package of strawberry Special K Fruit Crisps sitting next to my laptop.  100 calories per pack.   I’m pretty sure they’re pure sugar.  I want them desperately.  Like, I really really want them.  I want them so much that it’s triggering my “something-is-wrong-here” radar that I’ve developed in the past year. 

I’m not hungry and I don’t even really want a treat.  I want a hit.  Medication.  Escape.  I want to get away from ____. 

I can’t tell you yet what it is I’m avoiding.  If I eat the stupid fruit crisps I’ll never be able to tell you.  Not this time, anyway.  Ah, the generous, abundant Universe that keeps handing me the guide-book to filling in the blank.  I push it away and push it away until the radar is blaring so loud that I can’t ignore it anymore. 

Whatever it is, it’s in my throat.  And burning the back of my eyes.  I don’t want to think about what’s bothering me.  Let’s just talk about talking about what’s bothering me.  I’m pretty sure I’m afraid.  I’m afraid that if I really dig into myself I’ll find something unlikeable.  Not something you don’t like – something I don’t like.  Weak.  Stupid.  Fake. 

And so, of course, the only thing to do is look. 

And just looking at looking - identifying that I’m afraid to look; identifying what I’m afraid to find (and not even necessarily finding it), yes.  Peace.

 

The Best Kind of Person

I have a friend: Jodi.

She genuinely doesn't care that her body is not a size 6.

She isn't fat.  She isn't Kate Moss.
Her body is beautiful.  She.  Is beautiful.

She understands that on a deep, unflinching level.

I love her the way a kid loves a rocket ship. 

She didn't RSVP to the Feel Bad about Yourself invitation that we have all received.

She believes in her fabulousness.

When we shop at Nordstrom we draw a crowd.  If I try on jeans that she thinks rock.  She screams and claps like she sees three sevens on a slot machine.  And then everyone runs over to see my ass in Lucky's.

She can't stop gushing over her husband of many years.

She lies at restaurants so they treat us like celebrity.

She would do anything for those kids.

She's late to work and doesn't follow the rules. But they will never fire her.  Top producer every damn time.

If I needed her and she was with the president- she would leave without saying goodbye

Once I didn't talk to her for a year because I was brain dead.  The first thing she said to me after all that time was,  " I read your book.  You're a rock-star."

If she doesn't like my outfit she'll tell me to change.  Immediately.  Because it's burning her eyes.

She never apologizes for the truth.

She's the best kind of person I know.

Herself.

Sideline Expert

I'm an amazing U11 Boys Soccer Goalie.

Just ask me.

I sit on the sidelines and know exactly what my son needs to do.

I never get tired. I could've gotten all the saves.  I would do it better, harder, faster.

Right.

It is so easy to be sitting in my chair with my Chai and have Opinions.  Knowledge. Expertise.

I have nothing on the line. I'm making no effort and taking no risk.

But I am so good at the critique.  I am a Sideline Expert.

Many of us are.

Book reviewers on Amazon-Authors spend years creating their life's work, and someone trashes it after reading three pages.

Movie Critics. People Magazine. Tabloids. YouTube Reviewers. Blog Commenters.

Being a critic is so much easier than doing it yourself.

My son would school me on a soccer field.  I have no business telling him how to do it better.

The world doesn't need more experts on the sidelines.

Get in the game. Or just cheer on those who are.

How to Ask for Something

I always encourage my clients to ask for what they want.  

People love to give.  They want to say yes. (It's easier than saying no.)

Remember this...

1. If you are asking someone for something that will take their time, money or energy consider what's in it for them.  Is it a win-win or are you just taking?

2. Know why you are asking for something.  The why is important.  Notice if it's from a sense of entitlement. Let them know your why.

3. Give first.  If you want someone to give you something-give them more than you are asking.  This might require some creativity.

4. Prepare your ask.  Make sure you are asking from a positive place and not one of neediness or desperation.

5. Make saying yes easy.  If you want someone to do something for you, be specific and clear.  Don't make them refine the details-that's your job.

6. Allow a no.  If you are repectful and understanding when someone says no, it allows them to give you a reason instead of an excuse.  Reasons can be discussed.

7. Expect a yes.  If you prepare, give more than you get, are specific, and explain your why, your chances of getting a yes are high.