Brooke Castillo

Being a Winner when you Lose

My son's soccer team is badass.

They won almost every game they played last year.

My son is the keeper and one of the leaders on the team.

This last weekend our club hosted a tournament.

And we lost.

Badly.

Not only did we (notice my vicariousness-Put me in coach!) play poorly, but the team's attitude was terrible.

In the last game of the semi finals, we needed to have no goals scored on us to advance.  The other team scored on us in the first five minutes.

Our boys hung their heads, rounded their shoulders, and gave up.

When Christian, my son, came off the field, he could tell he was in for some of mom's "words".

We sat down in the shade and I told him this:

When you lose a game it doesn't make you a loser.

You lose when you act like a loser, when you give up, we you lose your effort.

Even when your team loses, you can be and are a winner.

You could have the best game of your life and still lose the game.

Who you are is not determined by the score, the other players or the referee's calls.

You.  You get to decide your own fate.

You get to win any time you choose.

My son looked at me.

For a long time.

And then (I swear I'm not making this up.).

Just smiled.

So What?

On my hike today, I saw a flower blooming from the cement.

Impressive.

Talk about an oppressive childhood.

So what?

It chose to Bloom.

You?

 

 

(photo by KK)

 

 

Passively Doing Something

I didn't know it was possible to passively do something. 

I thought passive and do were opposites, but I have since learned otherwise.

My son can passively do soccer practice.

My readers can passively read my books.

My clients can passively eat their food.

I can passively listen to my kids.

My students can passively take my classes.

But why?

Why do something passively?

If we are going to do it, why not do it?

Passive means not participating readily.

I believe that how we do anything can translate into how we do everything.

If we passively take a weight loss class-we will passively (not readily) lose weight.

We will do something without really do-ing it.

And then we will wonder why our results aren't great.

If you're going to do something- I mean spend your money and go somewhere and do something.

Do it.

Come alive with it.

Take notes. Show up. Talk. Do the exercises. Engage. Make mistakes. 

Do it ACTIVELY

Because we miss you when you aren't fully there.

And you miss the real you, too.

Ask Questions

So here is a little tip I was teaching my kid and I thought you guys might like it too.

People love to talk about themselves.  

They really do.

They want to be heard.

I can't tell you how many parties I have gone to and just sat with someone and asked them questions about their life.

This could be a person I have nothing in common with, and yet I am fascinated by their answers.

Predictably, they will tell me how good it was to talk to me.

I have not told them one thing about myself.

But I have heard them.

I have shown interest in what interests them.

I have shown them that what they have to say matters.

So I don't need to tell them about me.

I have shown them.

 

Self-Made Woman

"She's a self-made woman."

That is how an amazing woman was described to me the other day.

I loved it.  I felt immediate respect for her.

I think being self-made indicates that someone has taken a conscious interest in how they turn out.

They are not dependent on someone else to come save them or deliver them into success.

They aren't waiting for coat-tails to ride.

It's void of entitlement or privilege.

Hard work. Self awareness. And a belief in herself.

I think so many times in our culture we wait for our big break.

Instead of making it.

Making ourselves.

The truth is: We are all self-made.

The question is: What are we making?

 

 

Rejection

We are all so worried about rejection.

We hide to avoid it.

But why?

Why is anticipating it so painful?

Meadow taught me something about this the other day.

She said to a student: If you were handing out $100 bills, would you be worried about people saying no?  Would you feel badly about yourself if they did say no?

Probably not.

Why not?

Because you know what you are offering to them is valuable.

You know it's their loss.

But wait.

Aren't you at least as valuable as $100?

Yes.

Yes. You are.